saying goodbye is hard to do....

The kids are back in Vanuatu, they only lost their new camera and one bag in the process. I'm not kidding. I'm going to call LAX TSA tomorrow, I wonder how far that will get me?
Course God knows where that camera is so I guess we will see, and we are praying the bag will show up.

I thought I'd write about my process of saying goodbye as a parent of a missionary. Some goodbyes are so painful . The first time I experienced this kind of goodbye was when we were in the military.
It seemed like we would make a friend and in a short time they would get stationed somewhere else, and move on.
They would be sorely missed in our little military community, but we all knew that this was part of the process.

The next time I experienced real loss that was painful and final was when my husbands parents were killed in an automobile accident. I was young, the finality of the situation, and my lack of control was what God used to bring me to salvation. I knew that if I was to ever loose one of my children or my husband that I needed more than just myself to handle it. Jesus showed me that He wanted to fill that void. He would help me handle it.

When my best friend died of cancer I felt that painful loss. The last thing I wanted to do was go to her funeral. Instead I wanted to grieve the loss by myself. I wanted to say goodbye my own way. I went because I knew she would want me too, but I didn't like it.

It is usually this kind of pain that I experience when my missionary family leaves, and it takes me a few days if not weeks to process it,
The pain is deep and I know now that it is grief that I'm feeling. It has helped me to know that's what it is.

It is harder this time because this was the longest furlough we have had together, and we made some good memories. Since the grand kids are older we established deeper bonds.

Besides grief I always have mixed feelings about them leaving. Those bittersweet emotions. On one hand I'm happy they are missionaries and serving God, but I'm sad they are there and not here. I'm sad they have so many hardships, and obstacles to deal with. I used to feel guilty but I've come to recognize that these feelings are just part of living the life of a POM. Besides if I was just happy about my family being missionaries I wouldn't have to seek out God and his comfort or the shelter of His Wings for my sadness and grief.

There are a few things that I do that help me to get through this time. I always spend more time in prayer. I know that God cares about my sorrow and tears. I also know that God is with them. I'm not capable of meeting their needs, but God is and He does. We share the same God, He understands and answers prayer.

I try and do things that will make me feel better. I eat better, exercise more, and get more rest. I will feel worse if I get sick,

I find myself doing little things that make me feel closer to them.

Yesterday I hung the kids art pictures on my bedroom wall.

I found myself buying finger bananas in the grocery. They reminded me of Vanuatu.

I was erasing text messages this morning and I left Erik's on the phone. I will leave them for a while.

I'm already preparing a box of things to send. Things they forget to take or need.

Writing on my blog or in my journal gives me a place to express my feelings and if I feel like crying I do it.

Am I proud to be a missionary parent?

YES.

Does it hurt when they leave for the field?

YES. But now I know there are things I can do to make the process a bit easier.

P.S. they got their bag back yesterday...now if I could just get the TSA to answer the phone or call me back:)